<![CDATA[Garbage Brain University]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.comhttps://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!nTNV!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff99f1b5a-0fb4-4f3c-b00a-1ebb00afe8f3_800x800.pngGarbage Brain Universityhttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.comSubstackWed, 29 Jul 2026 05:33:00 GMT<![CDATA[never touch a bat: the shirt]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/never-touch-a-bat-the-shirthttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/never-touch-a-bat-the-shirtMon, 27 Jul 2026 22:49:20 GMThey, it’s drew!

did you know that the Vermont Department of Health recommends that you never touch a bat? they occasionally print flyers with this bat illustration on it, so i cleaned it up and printed it (along with “Never Touch a Bat”) on shirts. get yours at drewtoothpaste.com:

also, if you don’t already patronize Garbage Brain University, you should …

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 516: The Great Mistake: What Do Other People Eat?]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-516-the-great-mistake-what-dohttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-516-the-great-mistake-what-doThu, 23 Jul 2026 19:38:34 GMTPaper towels, zip-lock bags, and hot dog buns: what do we do with the things our world makes that are designed to go straight in the trash? What did humanity do before we made so much garbage? And how do you poison baby boomers and millennials? We answer these questions, and more, in today’s episode. For patrons only.

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 515: The Great Mistake: Society: The Real Gateway Drug]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-515-the-great-mistake-societyhttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-515-the-great-mistake-societyThu, 16 Jul 2026 13:56:40 GMTCan you duplicate items in real life like a glitch in Animal Crossing? We tell you how it may be possible, and talk bong rips, ham radio, man friends, torrents, wildfires, and a few other things. For patrons only!

  • natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 514: The Great Mistake: Did CERN'S Large Hadron Collider Change Reality?]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-514-the-great-mistake-did-cernshttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-514-the-great-mistake-did-cernsThu, 09 Jul 2026 15:54:51 GMTWe review last week’s Facebook Psychic predictions, and talk about the mysteries surrounding the operation of CERN’s Large Hadron Collider. Does it make objects double? Does it change the past and alter causality itself? Does it let dark entities enter our material plane to stop us from being good? We reveal the truth behind these and other suspicious o…

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 513: The Great Mistake: Predictions Of A Facebook Psychic]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-513-the-great-mistake-predictionshttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-513-the-great-mistake-predictionsThu, 02 Jul 2026 16:44:06 GMTWe receive astral guidance from a psychic on Facebook, review the track record of an Instagram medical professional, and find some alternate explanations for the Oliver Tree story. Plus: General Hospital, Colonel Sanders, Kool Keith, and other characters of note. For patrons only!

  • natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 512: The Great Mistake: How To Dig A Perfect Hole]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-512-the-great-mistake-how-tohttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-512-the-great-mistake-how-toThu, 25 Jun 2026 15:16:51 GMTLearn how to grow potatoes, pile up dirt, and dig the perfect hole. Today, we celebrate earth and its inhabitants, and also talk about The Aging Conspiracy, USians, and hidden members of your family you didn’t know existed. For patrons only!

  • natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 511: The Great Mistake: Bacteria Are Aliens, And They're Controlling Us]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-511-the-great-mistake-bacteriahttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-511-the-great-mistake-bacteriaThu, 18 Jun 2026 14:48:46 GMTWe reveal the sinister plot behind greeting cards, tell you which aspects of contemporary society are a coping mechanism, and explore the chilling coincidences behind a popular country musician and a string of killings lasting decades. Plus: liquor, feet, and, of course, grey aliens. For patrons only!

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 510: The Great Mistake: You Are Not Inside Your Body]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-510-the-great-mistake-you-arehttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-510-the-great-mistake-you-areThu, 11 Jun 2026 15:54:44 GMTDoes your brain actually store things inside of it? Is a grey alien a guy or is it an avatar for someone else? Are you an avatar for someone else? We talk about this, plus digging graves, stinky aliens, and chessboxing/pokerhauling in today’s episode for patrons only.

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 509: The Great Mistake: The Protein Conspiracy]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-509-the-great-mistake-the-proteinhttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-509-the-great-mistake-the-proteinThu, 04 Jun 2026 15:44:38 GMTWe discover the real reason why protein is being added to treats, the history of The New England Flavor, why nicotine may be fine on its own, and what happens when you aggravate a guy who sells baby wipes. For patrons only.

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 508: The Great Mistake: Shitmaxxing]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-508-the-great-mistake-shitmaxxinghttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-508-the-great-mistake-shitmaxxingThu, 28 May 2026 15:33:16 GMTWe learn about the new trend where influencers try to lay the biggest logs they can, detailing their diet and techniques as they do so. We also investigate the theory that murder isn’t real, learn why cops can’t solve crimes, and a few other ideas along the way.

  • drew & natalie

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Subscribe to Garbage Brain University and you’ll get over 400 patron-only episodes, as well as access to our subscriber-only Discord community. You’ll also help us continue to write and record these episodes.

]]><![CDATA[GBU 507: The Great Mistake: Why Most People Hate Thinking, and How to Figure Out What Normal People Are Doing]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-507-the-great-mistake-why-mosthttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-507-the-great-mistake-why-mostThu, 21 May 2026 14:33:15 GMTLet’s figure out what The Average Guy is doing. We also talk about how to write a better movie, the Rapture, psychic aliens, the Roko’s Basilisk Guy, having a nemesis, and even more on having a bit. For patrons only!

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 506: The Great Mistake: Cafeterias, Smorgasbords, and the Worst Way to Assassinate A Chicken]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-506-the-great-mistake-cafeteriashttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-506-the-great-mistake-cafeteriasThu, 14 May 2026 14:50:05 GMTWhy is it so hard to get cheap food on an old green tray these days? We talk about cafeterias, the Andes Virus, being an unpopular daughter, the vibes, the Schumann Resonance, ham cubes, and what air pressure is doing to all of us. For patrons only!

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 505: The Great Mistake: Why Tech People Are Insane, and What Happens If Dogs Stop Playing Poker]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-505-the-great-mistake-why-techhttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-505-the-great-mistake-why-techThu, 07 May 2026 15:00:25 GMTDon’t worry, the tech guys will never listen to this to learn our one weird tip on how to fix your shit. We also talk about Phish, 90s hippie culture, the ticks of New England, dogs playing poker, and how to grind up food using rocks inside your body. For patrons only!

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 504: The Great Mistake: Life Extension, Death Prophecies, and Why We Love To Get Along But Hate To Go Along]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-504-the-great-mistake-life-extensionhttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-504-the-great-mistake-life-extensionFri, 01 May 2026 14:43:41 GMTTake a deep breath and access the mindful dimension with us today. We talk about conspiracy theories, conservatism, trying to be a grownup, and what happens when you’re high strung. For patrons only!

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 503: The Great Mistake: Data Centers Have No Security, And Are Full Of Precious Gems And Metals]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-503-the-great-mistake-data-centershttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-503-the-great-mistake-data-centersThu, 23 Apr 2026 14:36:08 GMTYou have to listen to the universe when you get a message or a vision from the universe. It’s trying to tell you something! It’s important! We also talk about why the end of the world isn’t coming, monster trucks, and what’s inside those big, evil data centers. For patrons only!

  • natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 502: The Great Mistake: Why The US Government Poisoned Us]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-502-the-great-mistake-why-thehttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-502-the-great-mistake-why-theThu, 16 Apr 2026 21:16:05 GMTWe tell you why you have to say yes to everything you’re invited to, how to become an astronaut (for real,) the actual problem with libertarianism, why you need to take adult education classes, and the real reason why your main choice in life is either to be cool or shut the fuck up. For patrons only!

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 501: The Great Mistake: It's impossible to give a]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-501-the-great-mistake-its-impossiblehttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-501-the-great-mistake-its-impossibleThu, 09 Apr 2026 12:49:55 GMTWe’re living in a simulation being run on an ancient Egyptian computer, where you can scam your way to enlightenment and use hieroglyphics to perform acts of magic. This is probably why math doesn’t quite work, people drink out of boots, and the simple act of telling a computer what to do has turned into begging for it to tell us what it wants to do. Yo…

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 500: The Great Mistake: Who Gets To Talk To The Aliens First?]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-500-the-great-mistake-who-getshttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-500-the-great-mistake-who-getsThu, 02 Apr 2026 16:26:26 GMTOur 500th episode is here! Today, we’re talking chicken enrichment, why you should be a bad employee, the alien prediction for this weekend’s Easter Sunday, what happened to the whirling mass of garbage in the ocean, and what happens when every part of your body is replaced. Plus, of course, who will talk to the aliens when they make themselves known to…

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 499: The Great Mistake: The Drug That Frees You From Desire, and Cats vs. Dogs: Who Will Win?]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-499-the-great-mistake-the-drughttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-499-the-great-mistake-the-drugThu, 26 Mar 2026 16:54:55 GMTYour gut bacteria may be communicating with you already, and you don’t even know it. We also talk greasy diet food, tapping trees, moving sheep, spray-painting chickens, and the eternal war between dogs and cats. For patrons only.

• natalie & drew

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]]><![CDATA[GBU 498: The Great Mistake: How To Exploit The Rich (Class Warfare Begins With You)]]>https://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-498-the-great-mistake-how-tohttps://www.garbagebrainuniversity.com/p/gbu-498-the-great-mistake-how-toThu, 19 Mar 2026 14:15:29 GMTFind out how we’re going to start a breakaway civilization, ponder why the rich have to pretend to live like we do, and hear our ideas on why you should gossip more. For patrons only.

• natalie & drew

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